Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Janice Dickinson Reeks of Desperation



(image via medialifemagazine)

That Janice Dickinson, who once caught Warren Beatty staring at himself in the mirror post-fuck, is outrageous is a given. We were, however, rather stunned to hear that she was given a slot on Oxygen, which, so far a s we can tell, is sort of Oprah-ish in its feminism. And Janice -- god bless her manic soul -- is not suggestive of Oprah's Angels. She strikes us, oftentimes, as more of a trannie devil. (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment)

And so, the ratings are not what they should be. They are McEnroeish. According to Medialifemagazine:

"The first season of 'The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency' is turning out to be a lot like the hype attached to so many young, up-and-coming models: lots of noise, little staying power.

"When it premiered two months ago, 'Agency' drew the best household rating for a premiere in Oxygen history, averaging a 0.61 household rating and a 0.55 among women 18-49, the channel�s target demographic.

"But now, with the season finale airing tonight at 10 p.m., the numbers have quickly dwindled. Over recent weeks, it has hovered around a 0.3 household rating, losing half of its debut audience.

" ... Writes a poster on Television Without Pity�s 'Agency' forum: 'Janice really needs to tone it down. I can't imagine any professional organization putting up with her antics, especially since she reeks of desperation for their business while also behaving like a loon.'"

Frankly, she would do better to dish, like she does in No Lifeguard on Duty which includes sex with Beatty(He's so vain; I bet he thinks this blog is about him):

"I woke up a few hours later, at around three in the morning, Warren wasn't in bed. I looked across the room and found him admiring himself in the mirror.

"'What are you doing,' I asked in a sleepy voice.'

"'Nothing,' he said, but he couldn't take his eyes off himself. He ran his hands through his hair, staring at his own reflection in the mirror, . I went back to sleep, in the morning, when I woke up, he was standing there again, playing with his hair, mussing it; trying to get it just right -- going for that just-been-fucked look. I guess he thought he was pretty too."

Helmut Newton approached her at a pool one time and asked her to "take off her clothes." To which she responded, "fuck you, you dirty old perv."

Calvin Klein -- pre-pitching woo to Latrell Spreewell -- fires her for taking Qualudes before a fashion show, saying, "you will never work with me again, Janice, you have my solemn promise on that."

Janice slept (if that is the right word) with Mick Jagger all night long: " The man was indefatigable ... He was pure energy -- kind of spooky., to tell you the truth. I woke up the next morning feeling like I'd been through a war."

Sylvester Stallone, who Janice has sex with, likes to refer to the act as "bam ham slam" thinking -- sadly -- that this is witty.

But our favorite was the story of Bill Cosby flying her out to Vegas with promises of making her a singing star only to be rebuffed at her hotel door. Apparently Cosby was so steamed he could have defrosted a pudding pop.

3 comments:

Shaw Israel Izikson said...

Is there any part of her body that's real anymore?

Katerina said...

Whatever's left of her brain is, probably, real.

Anonymous said...

Her so-called career shows how todays celeb culture works. Her desperate side is just spice enough for the "jury" position in any reality show, but waaayyy too neurotic and essentially bad reality for any reality show.

Reality shows that are "bad" can be interesting because they offer "trainwrecks" in the making. But she also can not deliver the surprise "trainwreck" show, because she announces since years she is a walking trainwreck.

Reality shows needs some kind of surprise twist, some kind of revelation from the main character. But Janice is less than even surface-level, she is altering whatever surface there is, claiming to be publishing "transparent" and "tell-all" statements, that just shows an interiority that is (at best) a confused soul, and that is to be kind.

So Janice just is getting slapped down for hubris. After this she wont be able to even be a judge...